Did That Really Just Happen?

Alright, I wasn't sure if I should share this story because as much as I really don't care, I don't want anyone to stop hanging out with me...

So my mom's best friend's daughter (we'll call her Madison) was visiting my sister and I. She was only like 14 or something but she wanted to come here to see some of the colleges. She's looks at my sister's and I like her older sisters since she's an only child. If I want Starbucks, so does she...even if she's never had it in her life. If I wanna crank dat Souljah Boy in the middle of the mall, she'll get a little hop in her step. All of that admiration went out the window this one night.

So we go to dinner at Gladys Knight's Chicken and Waffles. My picture is on the wall with Ja Rule so I wanted to show off a bit. In my head, I'm kind of a big deal. They have these drinks called Arnold Palmers and they are a mixture of lemonade and sweet tea. They are huge. I think I had about two throughout dinner. Afterward we were going to hang out with some friends who lived around the corner so I didn't bother to run to the bathroom before we left. Uh yeah, I'm going here....

I'm driving down Peachtree and forget that it is a Saturday and there is hella traffic. I'm getting a little antsy but nothing too major. Nothing I can't handle. We're totally at a stand still and I realize that not only is a show letting out at The Fox but there are also a bunch of people in town for some GA Tech game. Kill me. As I'm sitting there in all this unnecessary traffic, I'm thinking back to those two delicious drinks I had that aren't seeming so delicious anymore. So Madison is totally excited to be out and about (in her head) in Atlanta. I'm growning more and more nervous with every little creep of my tires...

Now, things are starting to get uncomfortable...you know how when you're at a meeting and you're not supposed to laugh but then you start thinking of the funniest thing you have ever heard in your life and there is nothing you can do to stop? That was me. Miami, the ocean, lipgloss (it's shiny and supposed to make your lips look wet), Coke, Diet Coke, Sprite, Mr. Pibb, Mountain Dew, orange drank, purple drank, Lipton raspberry iced tea, chai tea latte, caramel macchiatto with an extra shot of vanilla, tazo green tea, Capri Sun, mayonnaise, mustard, anything wet...OH GOD WHY DID I DRINK TWO??!!!!

So I start negotiating with myself..."Ok, if you can make it to the bathroom, you will never ever again in your life have to..." Fill in the blank dude. Anything and everything was coming to my mind...Then I start talking to God: "Dear God, I know I cursed yesterday at that lady who was driving too slow the other day BUT I didn't know she was so old and I SWEAR if I did, I would have sat there and exercised one of the greatest virtues: patience..." Nothing!

Traffic is at a serious stand still...my heart is starting to race and I think I'm sweating. "Oh hell! Am I sweating??!!" I'm only thinking this because I don't want Madison to know that I'm starting to panic. She thinks I'm like totally cool and I think it might scar her if I let loose in the car. "Hey, do you know that one song that blah blah blah!!" I swear! I can't hear a thang she's saying! I'm starting to fantasize about this time when I was in Ghana and I was in this village. There weren't any toilets in the whole village except for one. I didn't go to the bathroom for 2 days because I wasn't down to squat. I was taken to the toilet, which was like brown and a bush was LITERALLY growing out of it...I digress...I'm wishing I was back in Ghana, in that village, peeing on the toilet bush...it's just that deep.

I finally see a break in the traffic and I turn down a side street. Madison is starting to notice my erratic driving and she can see that I'm literally about to cry. My body is tingling. I wanna die, that's how bad I had to go!

"Are you ok?"

"Umm...I'm...can you turn up this song please?" (I'm literally whispering this because I'm using all of my energy trying not to pee all over my car seat. I whip down one street and then another...pot holes are taking me to the edge...How about I get to my friend's house and I'm buzzing her to let me in the gate...

"Hi, you've reached..." WHAT THE HELL??!!! Everyone was supposed to meet up at her house! Where is she??!!!

I call like 10 times. Nothing. So I drive down the street hoping to God that the nail shop, which has been closed for like 5 hours is now open with a bathroom that I can use even though I'm not an employee...Just when I'm about to burst into tears, my phone rings.

"Hey sorry! I was in the shower." I don't even say bye. I hang up and speed over there. I can hear every single sound on the street. I can hear cracky getting into a fight over who found the rock first and I can feel the air playing games with me. I was getting cold flashes and it wasn't cute.

BUZZ!!BUZZ!! I whip into the parking lot, run out of the car without turning it off, and start running up the stairs...Now, I'm starting to feel like I'm losing it...with every single step, my leg gets warmer and warmer...

"OH SHI^$!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH NO! OH NO!!! OH NO!!!!" I trippin! I knock on the door and I swear it took a year for anyone to answer. Well, I couldn't wait, I literally peed running down the stairs. I had to give in. I HAD to yall. I get back to the car and Madison looks horrified! I had a trashbag in the trunk that I put down on my seat. I had to tell her what happened. Why did she almost start crying??!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!

My phone starts ringing off the hook:

"Where did you go? Weren't you just here? Wait? Where are you?"

"What?! I can't hear you! My phone is breaking up!" What was I supposed to say?! "Oh hey yeah. I just peed on your stairs...see ya after my shower!"??!!!